Every little girl dreams of her wedding. She plays make-believe and house with her dolls and imagines her future husband as a prince. This idyllic man and life is a goal for many.  However, that dream is crushed due to the depressing reality in some cultures. Some girls never get that choice. Some never get to date and get to know the man they want to marry. There is no real choice in the matter. These are called arranged marriages. The traditional marriage system is called autonomous marriage. Autonomous marriages are where you choose your future spouse; and typically, it is just between you and your future spouse. Arranged marriages are when outside parties (usually parents or sometimes a matchmaker) bring a couple together and force them to get married. Even though it is not always a negative situation, both people in the couple are not given a choice. Ultimately, autonomous marriages are superior to arranged marriages because they involve the right to choose, allow real love to foster, and enable women to be on an equal playing field.

 

In an arranged marriage, the family or other outside party picks the couple, thus taking away the ability for the couple to choose. There is obvious resentment that comes with this. As human beings, we are given the inherent right to choose. “Love marriage  the partners are fully responsible to make their life decisions and the stand to take during conflicts. Hence they are not in a position to blame others for any losses or gains” (Narayanan). In an arranged marriage, the two families are heavily involved in the whole process. It is impossible for the two people in the relationship to become acclimated to each other before marriage. “They feel that they HAVE to accept their parents’ choice of a life partner for them. To do otherwise seems to be perceived as disrespectful to their parents and a betrayal to their family. Sometimes such people enter a marriage in which they know they will be unhappy just so that their parents are happy” (Sharma). This mindset is not a healthy way to enter a marriage.

 

In a love marriage, the couple takes responsibility for their actions and can care for their marriage as individuals. There is no outside party running it, and it allows for freedom of choice. The chances of people staying happy in a love marriage are much higher than in an arranged marriage. Compatibility is a huge factor in a partnership, and it cannot be forced. “In some cases of arranged marriages, the partners might not find the other person compatible with them. Hence it is likely that they might not love each other at all condemning that the choice of their life partner had ruined their life.” (Narayanan). Arranged marriages take away the freedom of choice and that causes rifts. Autonomous marriages allow for the responsibility to fall on the couple, creating a more healthy relationship.

Autonomous marriages allow for true love to foster and genuine happiness to be created in the marriage. True love and happiness go hand in hand. It is seen in movies, and they are key factors in successful marriages. Love that has naturally formed is critical because it plays into the couple's overall happiness. 

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Attraction is the basis of any relationship. The most common way relationships start is through a primary, instinctual attraction. When you do not allow that to happen, the relationship does not have a solid foundation. “Not all the people who go for arranged marriage are blessed with compatible partners. We find many people lament that they have made a wrong choice. Hence love marriage is the royal road to choose the best partner who will walk with you for the rest of your life and exhibit a high degree of compatibility and understanding in your married life” (Narayanan).

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Autonomous marriages allow both parties to be equal and free partners, especially women. In a love marriage, there is usually a balance of power between both people. In most eastern cultures, women are not seen as equals, and the idea of arranged marriages is for business purposes or transactions. The equality between the two partners in autonomous marriages (typically) and the inequality is seen in arranged marriages regarding gender. This inequality is seen throughout many different cultures. From Ancient Greece to modern-day India, women are not seen as equal partners, but more like bargaining chips. The Greeks would value the male and the family of the female’s wishes.  In Ancient Greece, “Love is a many-splendored (manly) thing. In marriage, inheritance is more important than feelings: A woman whose father dies without male heirs can be forced to marry her nearest male relative—even if she has to divorce her husband first” (“Marriage, A History”). 

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In places like India, girls are brought up with the belief that marriage is not a choice for them to make. It is up to their parents. In Manveena Suri’s article, India’s attitude to arranged marriage is changing. But some say not fast enough,” he interviews a young woman named Mira who describes her childhood and how she was raised to be the perfect wife someday. “I was reared to be a wife, there are no two ways about it. Even small things like running the house or making sure things are in order, those things are ingrained in me,” Mira said. She said she was brought up to want to get married, but is now “unlearning” that expectation” (Suri). Most women don’t have a say in anything that happens to them and their future families. Their primary purpose is to serve as a way for their families to become more prosperous or move into a higher social caste.

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Women were seen as property and that is a massive part of the arranged marriage system. It is at times, inhuman and not a functional way of life.  Even though men are valued higher, arranged marriages are not always perfectly catered to men. There is no win in an arranged marriage because the people in the marriage are not the priority. “This analysis probably understates the importance of material circumstances for marriage prospects, both because it does not account for any of the circumstances of women and because it does not account for all the circumstances of men” (Ruggles). 

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Even though autonomous marriages are seen as better, there is an argument to be made about the advantages of arranged marriages. For instance, arranged marriages often have high success rates and lower divorce rates. There are also typically many economic benefits with the two families. “Security and stability seem to be the most valued things looked for in an arranged marriage. While this might seem like an unemotional way to go about it, the value of a stable marriage is undeniable. Perhaps this could be one of the reasons why India has such a low divorce rate” (Sharma). “The powerful relationship between economic position and marriage rates is not necessarily the consequence of marriageability; other factors likely come into play. Most important, high-income men may be able to marry more frequently than low-income men because they can better afford to support a family” (Ruggles). 

Divorce rates are lower, and the economic benefits can support a family. Many families can marry their daughters into higher classes to receive benefits. In India, the caste system is seen to rule the economy, and marriage is a way to rise through the ranks. Families can start to develop a stronger family for future generations. Even though there are many drawbacks, there is an upside, and it should be looked at. 

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There are many factors when talking about autonomous marriages being superior to arranged marriages. There are many factors and unsaid things that contribute. Arranged marriages can be seen as an unequal balance of power. True love, attraction, and compatibility are core beliefs in all marriages. Without these three key factors, marriages cease to have a complete system in which they are able to build and develop. Autonomous marriages are better than arranged marriages because it involves the right to choose, allows for real love to foster, and enables women to be on an equal playing field.